Allied health professions

I walked over to a fellow football team member and said," Nice game, Waddell." Without a blink, a football helmet was thrust at my mouth, destroying my front tooth. I am guessing that he didn't appreciate my appreciation. Gratitude gone bad at only eight years old. More about the twist concerning this incident later in this article.

When is a simple thank you, not? When is a gracious appreciation or gratitude a manipulation? Scary to even think it, but I am sure that you may have felt it at times when you have received, or maybe given to another person a simple acknowledgment.

Maybe a boss says, "Nice Job," or you say to someone, "Nice Dress." Appreciation like these can leave the person with a sense of fear because they are not clear of the motives. Scary to even receive a simple "thank you" nowadays or that others may have felt the same from your gratitude.

Appreciation can easily be changed from fear producing, unclear words, to words that raise powerful self esteem and are energy builders. Yes, a clear recognition can develop a positive change in body chemistry and be an inexpensive energy booster. An easy way to retain happy employees and management.

A clear appreciation is only a few more words than an unclear one. Take for example, "Nice Job, David." David does not know what his boss is talking about or why he is saying this. David probably is wondering what his boss really wants. Not a feel good feeling from his bosses so called gratitude.

Let us say the boss has read this article and comes back to David with a clear appreciation. It might sound like this: " David, thank you for the finished project ahead of time. I was able to give it to my boss so he can complete his project. It filled my need for responsibility and peace of mind knowing that it is completed. I am really delighted with your work and I thank you for your efforts."

From this clear appreciation, David instantly knows what action his boss is talking about, what need is met, and how the boss is feeling. Far clearer than,"Nice job, David." Instead of wondering about his bosses words, David is probably more enthusiastic about his work and contribution from a few more words of clarity.

There are four parts to giving a clear appreciation.

1: The first is what has happened, let us call it observation, Try to make the observation as concrete as possible. Something you saw, felt, tasted, heard, or even smelled. Keep it as simple as possible.

2: What value is being met, Could be dependability, trust, support, etc.

3: What is the emotion caused from this experience. I enjoy using " I am grateful"

4: Sometimes you may want to ask a question at the end to hear how the gratitude was heard. Just in case it was heard as manipulation,

Let us try another with, "Nice Dress, Mary." Because of the unclear appreciation, Mary does not know what this person wants or is reacting too. Let us make it clear with the three steps.

(Observation) Mary, when I see that flowered red dress, it reminds me of my trip to Hawaii last month.

(Need) I value the memories it brings back and to remember a wonderful experience. (Feeling) I feel so happy thinking about my vacation again. Thank you so much for wearing your dress.

(Question for clarity to make sure that she heard this as a positive appreciation) I am wondering what you are thinking from what I just said?

Mary now has a clear picture why her dress was appreciated and is probably feeling happier than before the appreciation because she has contributed to another person's happiness. We all want to contribute to each other's life. It is a basic need we all have.

Let's get back to young Waddell at the football game. How would it look if I could go back in time and redo my unclear appreciation? I wouldn't give him any type of appreciation and I would have my pearly white tooth in my mouth. My appreciation to him of "Nice game, Waddell" was said in a sarcastic demeaning way because I was second string behind him and he really had a lousy game. An example of how a sarcastic appreciation may be detrimental to both people because I lost the tooth and his parents had to pay for it. Don't say anything unless it is true.

Our personal and business society is appreciation deprived because we hear the negative all day long. An easy way to change this attitude is by giving clear honest gratitude. Try it now by practicing on yourself, thinking of something you did to enhance your life or someone else's. What are you feeling and what need was met by doing the action. See if it raises your self-esteem and energy level. Then give a clear appreciation to someone else.

You can make a positive difference in your personal and professional world starting now. If you choose to make clear appreciations to yourself and others a daily exercise you will liven up your day, raise your self-esteem, and also make somebody else happy.

Personal communication skills is never an easy subject, yet Rick Goodfriend wants communication with others to be easier, more satisfying. He is founder of World Empathy Day where you can find many more tips on relationship communications and how to solve difficult challenges. More information is at http://walkyourtalk.org/indexCD1.htm or videos at http://www.youtube.com/rickiis Successful communication with anybody is possible with the proactive skills he teaches. Rick Goodfriend is also a co-creator and host of a television show on proactive communication and resides in Santa Barbara, California where he continues to surf, hike and practice his personal communication skills.